Reading Responses

Elizabeth: You have a very interesting article, i've always wondered how the security guards approach to student security is like. A few humble suggestions: I think that describing their personalities more would help. There is a lot of emphasis on how being a security guard sucks. how much do they get paid? is this a career choice for them or just temporary? What is the resolution of the story? we are all responsible in the end, but for what? The crime on campus or the attitudes we have? Great first draft!

Jackie: Great start, i think the theme is quite clear. Your piece brings in a lot of different elements, maybe why it is so long, but if you could keep the length i would say it is a well rounded piece that needs a stronger ending, some resolution and more more narrative. It comes off a little cynical, where is the hope?

Martin: Good narrative! The theme of loving something to death i think is the best part of this piece, it would be interesting to see that developed a little more. Also, maybe a description of the actual dune during daytime and what it would mean to the community, real estate, michigan, anyone or preferably everyone, if the dunes dissapeared. But def one of the better narratives here.

Toni: I like the facts and statistics in this piece, they help to frame the piece. It is a strong first draft, but i think that what the final focus is, is a little unclear. The title says wine could save ohio, but why does ohio need saving, is tobacco not profitable? I think you could intertwine the elements of romance, wine and saving ohio more neatly. But great start.

Mae: This could be a good profile of the bar, or of working there, There are a lot of scenes but the theme is escaping me. It could use more structure. how does it compare to working at other bars maybe? how is business since the economy slumped? what is the best selling beer? how often are there fights? what does it all mean, tie it all together.